It’s one minute to 8:00pm, the house is clean, 3 of my dear children are tucked in their beds and sleeping soundly, I can hear my husband’s new album playing from his studio in the basement - he’s working on the final mix-down - the dishwasher is making a bubbly hum in the kitchen where I am sitting cross-legged at the table with my little 13 day old man, Emmett, who is sleeping peacefully in his little cocoon nestled in my lap. I am content.
With everything in the world to be grateful for, a life that is full of the most wonderful friends and family, a husband who is incredible, four perfectly beautiful children, a home, food on the table and careers that we love I should be beaming with sunshine all the time right?
Yesterday, as I sat on the couch and looked up at my husband with tears streaming down my face I mentioned (while laughing at myself for crying) that I this has to be the worst ‘baby blues’ I’ve had. I don’t remember crying this much after my other children were born. He assured me that yes, in fact, it was this bad before. All three times before. He then reminded me what I was like after we had Natalia, our first. I had forgotten about the night he came to visit me in the hospital at 3:00am after finishing up a gig. Natalia was 3 days old (C-section, so I was in the hospital for recovery for 4 nights) and he walked into the room and found me with Natalia wrapped up close to my heart, sobbing uncontrollably. He had his music partner with him, who had enough sense to give us time alone - thank you Rob. Denis, who is admittedly NOT a cryer but in fact a very rational and non-emotional person was at a complete loss. What could he possibly do to help/fix this sobbing, snotty nosed wife who is currently rocking his firstborn child and looking slightly insane at the moment with the way the moonlight is reflecting off her unkempt hair in this stark hospital room.
Fast-forward 3 more children... he still doesn’t know what to do. We were in a conversation about a scheduling error we had made when I burst into tears this past Monday evening. I couldn’t even fathom having to re-work my schedule and cancel a social get together we had planned. The simple task of planning out my days with the kids and work and social life was so utterly overwhelming for me. Denis got slightly frustrated with my tears as he explained to me “you can’t do it all, you need to take a break.” It was then I began to laugh at myself - I asked him to please ignore all the emotion coming out of me and just deal with the facts. Because regardless of the conversation we were having at the moment I am pretty sure I would be crying. The next day I woke up with a mission, I planned to get the kids school done by 10am go to London to meet up with a friend and her 4 kids at the library, pick up Ethan’s BF for a small birthday celebration at the bowling alley, have dinner and make ice cream sundaes. Are you sure you want to do all that? Deni asked me. My reply? If I don’t get out and do something you will likely find me rocking in a corner somewhere in a puddle of tears. Thankfully I heeded his advice and cancelled our plans to go out in the evening and when my day was complete - yes, I successfully completed my mission - I crashed. And guess what? I was too tired to cry!
I wonder how many women out there think they are going absolutely crazy shortly after birth. I was fortunate enough that when I had that moment with Natalia in the hospital the nurse, who was completely lovely, asked, ‘is it the third night?.’ She assured me it was perfectly normal and even expected for me to be overwrought with unexplained emotion. Well, that made me feel somewhat better. New Moms need to know and have assurance that they are not alone on this crazy emotional roller-coaster. The one thing that allows me to laugh at myself through my tears is knowing and understanding that the hormones and emotions of a pregnant and postpartum woman are a mystery that will go unsolved for all the ages to come.
With everything in the world to be grateful for, a life that is full of the most wonderful friends and family, a husband who is incredible, four perfectly beautiful children, a home, food on the table and careers that we love I should be beaming with sunshine all the time right?
Yesterday, as I sat on the couch and looked up at my husband with tears streaming down my face I mentioned (while laughing at myself for crying) that I this has to be the worst ‘baby blues’ I’ve had. I don’t remember crying this much after my other children were born. He assured me that yes, in fact, it was this bad before. All three times before. He then reminded me what I was like after we had Natalia, our first. I had forgotten about the night he came to visit me in the hospital at 3:00am after finishing up a gig. Natalia was 3 days old (C-section, so I was in the hospital for recovery for 4 nights) and he walked into the room and found me with Natalia wrapped up close to my heart, sobbing uncontrollably. He had his music partner with him, who had enough sense to give us time alone - thank you Rob. Denis, who is admittedly NOT a cryer but in fact a very rational and non-emotional person was at a complete loss. What could he possibly do to help/fix this sobbing, snotty nosed wife who is currently rocking his firstborn child and looking slightly insane at the moment with the way the moonlight is reflecting off her unkempt hair in this stark hospital room.
Fast-forward 3 more children... he still doesn’t know what to do. We were in a conversation about a scheduling error we had made when I burst into tears this past Monday evening. I couldn’t even fathom having to re-work my schedule and cancel a social get together we had planned. The simple task of planning out my days with the kids and work and social life was so utterly overwhelming for me. Denis got slightly frustrated with my tears as he explained to me “you can’t do it all, you need to take a break.” It was then I began to laugh at myself - I asked him to please ignore all the emotion coming out of me and just deal with the facts. Because regardless of the conversation we were having at the moment I am pretty sure I would be crying. The next day I woke up with a mission, I planned to get the kids school done by 10am go to London to meet up with a friend and her 4 kids at the library, pick up Ethan’s BF for a small birthday celebration at the bowling alley, have dinner and make ice cream sundaes. Are you sure you want to do all that? Deni asked me. My reply? If I don’t get out and do something you will likely find me rocking in a corner somewhere in a puddle of tears. Thankfully I heeded his advice and cancelled our plans to go out in the evening and when my day was complete - yes, I successfully completed my mission - I crashed. And guess what? I was too tired to cry!
I wonder how many women out there think they are going absolutely crazy shortly after birth. I was fortunate enough that when I had that moment with Natalia in the hospital the nurse, who was completely lovely, asked, ‘is it the third night?.’ She assured me it was perfectly normal and even expected for me to be overwrought with unexplained emotion. Well, that made me feel somewhat better. New Moms need to know and have assurance that they are not alone on this crazy emotional roller-coaster. The one thing that allows me to laugh at myself through my tears is knowing and understanding that the hormones and emotions of a pregnant and postpartum woman are a mystery that will go unsolved for all the ages to come.
I'll share a few pics that make me smile - not cry - of our fun at the bowling alley ;)
